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Friday, June 4, 2010
So many random thoughts converge at once in my mind and somehow I have to separate them and interpret their meaning.
I was looking at a few take-out menus for lunch ideas which led me to playing with the magnet that holds them up on my board. After awhile I put the magnet back up and my eye caught the attention of a quote I placed on my board back in January.
"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~Martin Luther King Jr.
I started writing a post this morning about the topic of underpromising and overdelivering, but deleted it. After seeing this quote hours later, I realize what my topic for today really is...where is Jey walking to?
This blog is supposed to be about my life, adventures, enlightenment, inspiration, memories and most of all, my path or journey though this life. That's why I chose the name Jey Walking. Jaywalking (Jeywalking) is first, an offense in which a person illegally (or legally) crosses the road. And secondly, it represents me; Jey, walking or traveling through life, learning lessons and sharing them with you. It may be true that, in this life, I have illegally crossed the road while on this journey.
I've reached a point in my life where I no longer no where I am going. I thought I always knew. From an early age, I could tell you my plans for the future, whether it was to be the President of the United States, a judge, an artist/designer, a veterinarian or Broadway headliner/superstar. I went to school to study Advertising and thought that would be what I would do with my life. Then I graduated and went straight into graduate school for a degree almost unrelated to the first, Nonprofit Management. Now I am approaching graduation next May and I am wondering where I will go next.
I can admit freely that I am lost. I don't know whether to retrace my steps, hug a tree or start a fire that spells HELP or SOS.
Everyday I wake up and wonder what I will not accomplish, even though I have good intentions to complete necessary tasks and assignments. This is also indicated by my bedroom that never ceases to be messy, even after I clean it. I've always felt that the cleanliness or organization of one's living situation reflects the cleanliness or organization of one's mind. If my room is a mess, maybe I am, too.
So the whole point of this ramble is that I don't want to be like this anymore, but everytime I try to get out the mess, it seems to creep back in. How can I trust that it won't occur everytime I try to make my life work?
The answer is the quote above.
Recently, a friend of mine told me that I am a very determined person who gets caught up or distracted by other things I become determined about. She told me that I am so powerful and determined that if I were to just focus on the one thing it would happen because that's how determined a person I am.
I thought about what she had said and pondered about my life and the choices I make. The mess in my life comes from not staying focused on one singular goal or idea or task, but several at the same time. That causes more mess.
I think, I will need to make a list of all my interests, goals, dreams or ideas and prioritize them. For instance, getting my degree is more important right now than thinking about where I am going to live after I graduate. There are plenty of other examples that are a little more private to me. I laugh to myself when I say that because what is private anymore these days? See, I was just about to go off topic, but I stopped myself.
I want Jey to know where he is walking towards. Right now it's like I am walking backwards because I worry so much about what will or might happen next or down the road, rather than what is happening now, in the present.
Faith is taking a step into the unknown, but it doesn't mean one can't have a plan. The problem is people like me think we can control the way things work and happen and our plans are based on that presumed fact. Plans should be based on our needs and good desires and include what God would have us do. After all, who is the Master that knows all, oversees everything and does so with order and wisdom? Yes, He is.
I know that for my life to truly become less messy and more clean I must seek guidance from God and become more like Him, the god of order, truth and light. It will require faith in every foot step along the remainder of this journey here and beyond.
My hope is that Jey will be Walking in the right direction soon. Your prayers are welcomed here.
You have been caught Jey Walking!