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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

thoughts that keep me up until 3am

Every once in awhile the thought comes to me; I should put my life in order so I can be rebaptized. However; when I start thinking of the ways I would need to prepare for rebaptism I back away feeling it to be near impossible. The real question is, do I want it for the right reason?

I like the idea of being a fully-functional member of the church with all the blessings that come with such membership. However; does that mean I am also prepared for all the responsibilities that it entails? I feel like I only want the blessings without the sacrifice. That seems to be a common theme in my life.

I'm coming up on my seventh year of excommunication and I think given my beliefs and way of living, it would make it quite difficult to maintain my membership again. I am gay. I don't believe it is just some sort of "trial" I was given on Earth; this is who I am, among so many other things. I don't have a desire to be with a woman. Sure, the fantasy of living the cookie-cutter heterosexual life seems wonderful, but in reality it would never work.

I also have no desire to be celibate either. I crave affection like any other person and I know I would go insane if I repressed my feelings for another man and did not express myself physically. I do think it would be great to be chaste until married, now that it is legal in New York, but can I find a man willing to wait also? I can barely trust that any guy I am dating isn't dating several other guys at the same time, let alone think he's being chaste before our marriage.

So, back to rebaptism. Maybe the time is not right, maybe it is not now, maybe it is just not going to happen. I guess I have to decide if that's something I can live with; never being a member of the church again. Does that mean I am accepting a lesser degree of heaven, as well? Maybe I am alright with that, too. Sigh.

These are the thoughts that keep me up until 3am.

You have been caught Jey Walking!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

someone turn on the light, please

So I am at the point in this journey where and when I have the need to stop and think about where it is I am going. It would be cliche of me, or anyone, to say that I am at a crossroads; I'm not. I am just tired or walking around, aimlessly, in circles. Like most men, I have yet to stop and ask for directions when I am clearly lost.

I looked back on some of my posts housed in this blog and all I read is me, me, me and blah, blah, blah. It's the same crap spewed out over and over again. Whoop-di-do-dah! I've got HIV! Whoop-di do-dah! I'm struggling with A through Z. It's not to say that there haven't been some moments that are precious to me, but there's a lot of it, upon looking back, that gives me a headache.

Where am I going?

I never wanted to make this a place where I would just bitch all the time about my life and everything that's wrong with it. No one wants to read it. I don't want to read it. This blog is really supposed to be inspiring, uplifting and, at the least, enjoyable to read.

I am sitting here on my bed with Porter who keeps giving me those eyes that say, "Hurry up and go to bed."  So I got to go soon.

Anyway, I look around my room and all I can see is a collection of BLAH. That is what this blog has turned into for me. I hope readers have gotten something out of this, but it's time to shift the aura, the attitude and the light of this place. It's beginning to get muggy, musky and dark.

My sincere hope is to bring the readers to a place where they can feel inspired. A place where one can read a post and smile; maybe share it with their friends and have it brighten their day. If this is already the case for you then, great, be prepared for it to get even better. For those who see what I see, the light is coming. Come to the light, Carol-Ann!

Thanks for sticking with me peeps!

You have been caught Jey Walking!

PS. Your prayers are always welcome :D

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Last night I watched a man overdose and kill himself because he said he could no longer feel anything.

He was once a successful photographer that turned to a life of addiction and prostitution to get by. In the end he couldn't even tell his only friend that he loved him because love seemed so strange to a man who has sex for money. It was a sad story that reminded me of others I know and myself.

My life used to be like this man and a lot has changed either by force or by choice. I have never done drugs, but that's not to say that I've never been addicted. I still suffer from many addictions and there are days I feel nothing.

This last weekend I made a small inventory of my current life and became overwhelmed with my internal budget. I saw how much energy goes needlessly to parts of my life that would be better off removed from me.

Lately, I have been struggling to come to grips with the realities of my life. I decided to do what I usually do when I can't figure out my life; do my laundry, clean my room, organize and simplify. I did an amazing job this last couple days doing just that; seriously, if you ever need someone to spring clean, I'm the guy.

Being behind in school, struggling financially, having a pet die and enduring a long, sunless winter in a big, loud city has made it difficult to concentrate on my life. I really just want to go somewhere warm and feel alive again. I might even have to resort to tanning just to get some UV rays in my system. I miss San Diego with all my heart and though you never heard it from me, I sort of miss Atlanta, too. I think the reason for being somewhat homesick has little to do with the weather compared to being close to family and close friends.

I am hoping to make a comeback soon. I 'd like to reach my goals this year that include catching up with my schoolwork, getting my finances on track and focusing more on the good in my life and the good I can do for others. It's easy to be selfish in times of need and personal crisis, but I know that when I am stuck in a pit, the best way out is to help others that are in the pit with me.

I need an emotional, mental, spiritual and probably even, physical detox to leave behind the toxins in my life and replace them with healthy nourishment. It's no surprise that, though I am still undetectable, my T-Cells keep dropping. Stress can cause T-Cells to be more vulnerable and weaken my overall state of being. My hope is to kick my body, mind and spirit into gear and continue the race I started.

I have faith in my close friends and family that they will continue to be a support in my life no matter what my needs may be. I have faith in God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, that they will aid me in my journey through detox and complete wholeness.

You have been caught Jey Walking!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Story; My Call for Action

My life is not unlike many others. I too live on the roller coaster that is life; full of ups and downs, twists and turns. Throughout my young adult life I struggled with who I am and I can't say much has changed.

Part of my struggle included depression and choices that made it difficult to keep my head above water. From the age of 15 I became sexually active with guys from school and summer camps. By my senior year in high school I was meeting up with guys in their thirties. I was naive, but looking for love and everything in between. I did whatever my partners told me to do because I didn't know much about sex, so I took their word for it. A lot of time we didn't use protection and I figured I would be ok because they were nice guys. 

Then, I heard that my mother was infected with HIV and that changed my world. If she could be infected, so could I. I started getting tested every now and then and it always came back negative. I reassured myself that because I wasn't a drug user or having sex with dirty guys, I would be alright.By 2005 my mother was living with AIDS, had one T-Cell left and finally started medication. Later that year I got really sick and went to get a full STD screening; the test came back positive for HIV, the first time in seven years of testing. My life changed from that point forward. 

HIV can infect anybody; my mother, my friends, even me. It has not been easy to break bad habits of promiscuity and unprotected sex, but HIV has taught me a lesson about taking care of myself and others. I learned this lesson the hard way when I found out I had infected a friend, even though I thought we were careful. Fortunately, we have received medications, health services and programs are available to us to help us in this new world of HIV. We're both healthy and UNDETECTABLE! 

Many out there don't have as easy access to what we have. Many don't even know they're positive because they don't get tested. Unfortunately, people are still dying of HIV/AIDS. Donating to the AIDS Walk is about HOPE; 

HIV Outreach, Prevention and Education. 

Whatever you can donate is great because it means:
one more person KNOWS THEIR HIV STATUS. 

one more person LIVING LONGER. 



Please walk with me on May 15th to show your support and/or donate today to my team. Take care and be well my friends!

Click here to donate =====> AIDS Walk 2011 Donation


Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I'm sure many of you have already read on Facebook that I lost one of my cats yesterday to an Upper Respiratory Infection and Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP), a viral disease of cats caused by certain strains of a virus called the feline coronavirus. Though this is common in rescue kittens and cats, this happened all too fast and unexpectedly for me.

Langston was just about a year old and had so much energy. He was always getting into trouble and taunting his buddy Porter into wrestling. He was so loving and just loved to be touched and cuddled. He really was a friend of mine and Porter. My roommates came to love and appreciate his youthful charm and also miss him very much. If anyone were to leave their door open, there Langston would be, cuddled on there bed next to their pillow or hiding from Porter, under the bed. It wasn't a surprise to find him in the bathtub or climbing into the home entertainment center to rest by the warm TV. He really was the most curious, fun-loving cat I've come across. He was so forgiving; you could yell at him to get off the counter or give him his ear drops or clip his claws, which he abhorred, but right afterward he would purr and cuddle up into my arms and begged to get his head and his nose scratched. He was my "little bambino" or "monkey" as I affectionately called him.

I was there at the hospital to visit him one last time and as was common with him when he saw me he came right into my arms to cuddle. He was in a lot of pain and very scared, but he knew I was there to love him. I will never forget that moment that he recognized me after a few days of being apart and how, even though he could barely move, he made the effort to come to me and be loved.

I hugged him, pet him and after awhile said my goodbyes. The doctor gave him something to make him really sleepy, then gave him the shot to put him to rest. It was the first time I had ever really watched a living creature, especially one I was close to, leave this existence. I was there when he breathed his last breath and as sad as I was, I could not produce even a tear because the experience was just too unreal to me.

I came home to my other cat, Porter, who is also sad, but more importantly, needs me to think of him, love him and continue to taken care of his needs. This has kept my mind off the entire experience. In the last 24 hours I have tried to fill my mind with fond memories of the time we spent together; this has helped to a degree. The problem is I wish there was something I could have done to prevent this from happening or would have got him care sooner, but what's done is done. My life is still going and there's so much to do; it doesn't feel like I have anytime to breathe after this ordeal.

I am not sure if it's losing him that is such a big deal or the feeling of losing someone that hurts so bad. I've spent a good part of my life being abandoned and losing loved ones. It's always hard for me to really process my feelings and this situation is no different. I keep telling myself, like I have before, that it's not my fault. However; in the back of my mind, I still feel, in some way, that it is.

What's the lesson I can learn from this and other situations? I know that things happen for a reason or sometimes for no reason at all. Good things happen to bad people just as bad things happen to good people, but which am I? It's been four years since my grandmother's death, which is the last time I lost someone very close to me. Maybe it was time for me to feel loss and pain in a effort to keep me in touch with God. Of course I don't blame God for this, how could I? Sometimes it takes a tragedy to set me back on the path, seeking God's blessings and to put trust back into Him and not myself. Maybe this is one of those times.

I feel blessed to have been able to know Langston because he did make me so happy and I am glad that he is no longer in pain. Rest in peace my little bambino.

You have been caught Jey Walking!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

get it right

WOW! This sums up how I feel right about now.

Get It Right (GLEE)

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send out a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

help thou mine unbelief

My life is at a standstill, like a old western cowboy duel at high noon. I am on the dusty street; everyone is hiding, but peering out the windows to watch. I am dueling against myself; when I turn around to draw my weapon, I see myself in a mirror and hesitate to shoot. I cannot seem to get past the shame that has overtaken my life for over the last two decades of my life. In so many ways I have failed myself, my family, my friends, the world and God. My psychologist said, I'm measuring my life and its worth by my failures; he's right, I am because I hardly see or care about anything else. He asked me if I believe God had the power to heal me and redeem me. I said, yes. He asked me if I believed I was redeemable. I answered, no. And that in itself tells the whole story.

The second step in healing from shame or an addiction is to, "Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health." Now I know what the Atonement is, I know of Jesus Christ and that He is the Son of God and Savior to mankind. I know that I will be resurrected after this life, but I don't feel He can save me in this one. Can He redeem me? Yes. Will He? I highly doubt it. 

People may see a kind, loving, friendly, giving and accomplished man in me, but all I really see is someone who has piled up so many poor choices whose consequences I may never be rid of, ever. I have hurt so many people in my lifetime, including myself. I have said horrible things, done terrible things and thought unforgivable things. What kind of hypocrite am I that wishes to change the world and serve others, but is, in so many ways, so selfish? I am not God; I do not see what He sees, but I know how I have lived my life; passing opportunities to change, to be better, to serve others and to be more like Him.

"O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins..." 
2 Nephi 4:17-19

I am not Nephi, I do not have the courage to turn my life to God and to not only believe I can be changed, but to do anything about it. The third step in recovery is to move past simply believing that, "the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health," and moves into deciding, "to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ." 

I cannot even trust myself. I can count on maybe one hand the people in my life that I can trust, without question; that I feel know me, love me and are close to me. Maybe I am exaggerating, but it feels like the circle is that small. I feel I have lived a life in constant abandonment. People have failed me throughout my life, whether they know it or not and whether it was intentional or not. Sometimes they haven't really failed me, but it just feels as if they have; I admit I am more sensitive than others.

So after all this ranting, what am I to do? I am not doing well at work, I am falling behind in school, my spiritual life is lacking and I have become socially inept. I am anchored down by my fear, guilt, shame and sadness. I have worn a mask to hide who I really am for so long that I am not sure if my face could handle the light if I took it off. I live in darkness and it has become a seemingly safe place for me, but I am starving, cold, feeble and alone. How could God see me for anything more than a black splatter on a clean, white canvas? How do I have hope when I feel hopeless? How do I trust when I live in fear and anxiety? How do I move from just believing in Christ to actually believing Him; trusting He can do all that He has promised to do?

"...Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." 
Mark 9:24

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

confidently patient

I decided that Martin Luther King Jr's Birthday/Holiday was the best day to look at my pile of past due bills and other financial papers. Instead of ignoring them as I usually do because of my lack of funds, I chose to face them and sacrifice what little I have to pay my bills. I feel better knowing I no longer have to look at them. (sighs)

Then I opened up my undergraduate student loan invoice. I'm still in school, so usually these get filed away both literally and mentally. I read that my principal balance is over $13,000 and cringed a bit, knowing that I wouldn't be able to pay that off for awhile, but it was within my reach to eventually achieve once I have a Master's level job and the salary that comes with it, right?

I felt adventurous and decided to log into my Sallie-Mae account online to look into the details of my student loans. I was silently thinking to myself, "Wow! I got away with murder with these loans, because I'm pretty sure my degree cost me over $60,000 after scholarships and grants...I guess I got some freebies somewhere I didn't see before."

Boy, was I ever wrong. I opened up my account to find that I owe nearly $65,000 just for my undergraduate degree. I'm in graduate school and will have to add well over $75,000. That's over $140,000 for education alone; needless to say, I flipped out. I'm due to graduate at the end of this year. Sadly, both the economy and the job market look pretty bad for my field; even at my education level. It seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction; financially, anyway.

I tried to go to sleep later that night, but I had a series of weird, meaningless dreams that kept me up. I laid in my bed with thoughts of being in poverty the rest of my life with no hope of a way out. I made promises to myself that i would clean up my finances and put my life in order, but I began to weep in despair because I truly have no idea where to start and how to go about accomplishing such a heavy task.

Finally around 6 am I gave up all my restless thoughts and just cried to God for help; I felt much like the prodigal son from Christ's sermon found in Luke 15

"...And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants."

I prayed for mercy and asked that my heart would no longer be filled with darkness and despair. I prayed that my Father in Heaven would allow me back into His household, even as one of His servants, instead of His son. I knew there was no other way to live if I did not humble myself before my Father and seek away out from my darkness and famine.

"And [I] arose, and came to [my] Father. But when [I] was yet a great way off, my Father saw me, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on [my] neck, and kissed [me]. And [I] said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry."

My eyes were filled with tears, but this time for joy because I knew my prayers had been heard. My Father in Heaven isn't going to fill up my bank account and pay off my debts, but He has and will fill up my spirit with love and peace. He will help me find ways to pay off my debt and live comfortably as I work hard to do what is right and live within my means.

As I prepared for my day, I opened up my scriptures for the first time in over a year and read where I had last left off. In Hebrews 10 and 11 it reads:

"But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions...Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise...Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I smiled and realized that to receive God's blessings of comfort and security I would need faith and patience. It is not always easy to rely on the Lord's timing, but it is required for peace and happiness. I wondered how this might effect my day moving forward because I read that wonderful line that spoke to me gently saying now that you have received illumination you will endure a great fight of afflictions. At least it's not Monday, right?

I went on cleaning up my room and getting ready for work. I decided I needed some music to listen to because it was amazingly too silent for New York City at 7 am. A beautiful version of that stately hymn, Come, Come Ye Saints came on and the verse repeated the day's theme and lesson to be learned:

"Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so, all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward,
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take;
Our God will never us forsake."

Well it was time to get on with the day and I left the apartment with great optimism that I would have a wonderful winter's morning. Immediately outside of the apartment building began the list of things that would try and test my patience but also offer me a chance to see that it wasn't all that bad:

The light snow turned into icy rain; I didn't bring an umbrella and the sidewalks turned into a slippery, slushy mess. However; I didn't have very far to go to my train station and I was warm.

The dry cleaners wife doesn't speak English and doesn't know how to use a credit card. However; I don't have to pay until Thursday.

I got on a train that was stuck behind another train with a sick passenger. A 30 minute trip turned into an hour. However; I got to sit down.

A large woman squished into a tiny open spot on the subway bench making it very uncomfortable for me to sit down. However; I still didn't have to stand up the entire hour and constantly shift around as more passengers boarded.

A soaking wet woman and her soaking wet umbrella stood right next to me and began to drip all over the floor. However; I was not soaking wet and cold and she wasn't really getting me wet at all.

I had trouble getting around people and their gigantic umbrellas while slipping all over the sidewalks. However; I got a smoothie and oatmeal from Jamba Juice for under $4 (Usually it's like $8) to keep me happy.

People keep calling incessantly about very odd topics that have very little to do with my job. However; I get paid relatively a lot just to answer the phone. Also the Dean brought in some Dutch chocolates straight from her trip to Amsterdam; so that's not bad at all.

The point is that God loves me and it's easy for me to focus everyday on what is going wrong in my life, to lose hope and fall into despair, but truly there is a silver lining if I look for it.

"...He has poured out his Spirit upon [me], and has caused that [my] heart should be filled with joy, and has caused that [my] mouth should be stopped that [I] could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was [my] joy." Mosiah 4:20

You have been caught Jey Walking!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

going backwards to move forward

A couple nights ago I had another one of my prescribed drug-induced dreams. This dream, unknown to me at the time, is presumably about the afterlife.

I was in a place that was serene and in the company of good people. In this place, people were on a type of a journey, traveling through all sorts of landscapes and constantly moving. I was also on this journey; my travel companions were a couple that were at least in the sixties and a younger child. I am not sure who these people represent, but we were connected and it seemed like the couple were my grandparents, but not necessarily the ones I knew in this life, which seems odd to me. Looking back on the dream it occurs to me that the younger child is probably a younger version of myself. The focus of the dream was on the relationship I had with this couple and our journey together.

As we journeyed through an assortment of lands the weather also began to change slightly, meaning clouds replaced blue skies and the wind picked up. Eventually we had to climb rough mountains, much like the ones from the Lord of the Rings movies. The weather remained relatively calm compared to how it looked, but the journey for the couple was not as easy as when we started in the beautiful valley.

I noticed something else change that was very odd. The couple began to age as we traveled and it became harder for them to make the journey, but the child and I remained the same age. For the child and myself, the journey's effort remained the same, almost as if we were only floating along as companions to the couple. I became very concerned about the couple's withered and worn out state, but there was nothing I could do to help them. Eventually, the older man smiled and slowly vanished before my eyes leaving behind a numbered ticket, similar to a large raffle ticket. I was told to hold on to the ticket until the time came to give it away. I was very sad and began to weep openly for what seemed to be a personal loss or death. The older woman began to well up with tears but quickly wiped them away and began to smile. She leaned toward me to tell me that he chose to leave because it was his time and that we shouldn't mourn his absence but move forward.

It then occurred to me that we had been traveling backwards the entire time and it was only until that time that the woman said we should move forward that we began to walk forward. As we walked forward the landscape became easier, the weather more serene and we eventually descended from the mountains back to the lush valley. Also, as we moved forward I looked back at the woman and she became younger than before. As we entered the valley we were met by another older man who greeted us with a smile and asked for the ticket I had been given to hold. I was very hesitant, but the woman gently reassured me that it was alright and that this is what I was meant to do. Then I felt a prompting to awake and ponder the dream.

Everything seemed to have a meaning and purpose. I still cannot fully explain what this dream means, but I know that this dream represents something special and important. When I have dreams similar to this one, I wake up with a feeling that I should write it down, study its meaning and share it with others here. I hope that something good comes from following such feelings. I believe that God had a hand in switching my medication so that I would have these types of dreams more often. Who knew having HIV would be some type of blessing? Maybe I'm wrong about this all and it really is just another crazy dream. You can decide for yourself; I'm not here to prove anything, but rather to share a story.

You have been caught Jey Walking!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

2011: A year in preview

I didn't do a 2010 year in review, sad. 2010 wasn't all that bad, but I'd rather not waste my time trying to remember what happened. I have only one resolution which is to not having any resolutions; contradictory much?

I've decided to look forward into the new year starting with what I've learned so far in 2011:

I spend more than I make; financially, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. In all these ways I'm more in debt than I will admit. 

In New York City, the wind, rain or snow will always blow in my face regardless of the direction I'm headed or how hard I try to block it from hitting me.

Cats become friends much like people do. They express their opinions and fight until they realize they have something in common, then, they play.

It's time to take care of myself because no one else should have to do it for me.

I don't need hundreds of "friends" on Facebook, I need a few close friends to spend time with, talk to and love.

It's a waste of time expecting that an impossible problem will someday turn into a possible solution.

There's a lot more to minimalism than I previously thought; mostly effort and willpower is required.

I may say I want to be re-baptized, but what really want is everything to be handed to me without sacrifice and that is what makes me cry.

I may say I love my family and friends, but I don't show it. I stand around waiting for them to show their love to me.

Agency is not easy. Choosing to come here and get a physical body is a blessing, but I can understand why some chose what they thought was the easy way out.

It's not the gifts I give or get, but the love expressed in them that matters. An expensive, thoughtless gift from someone who is only trying to patronize or impress me is not as touching as the simple, thoughtful gift I know and feel came out of  love and vice versa.

Who and where I surround myself dictates my choices and character.

"Conformity is your greatest asset in your quest for acceptance. How highly you prize your individual personality traits, characteristics, vices, and styles will impact how you interact and integrate within your specific social strata. Some people have such overwhelming charisma, looks, ambition, personality, or testimony that they can overcome severe deficiencies in other areas. Most people don't, and assimilation is their best bet." Joe P. Smith

Making stupid choices leads to stupid consequences.

A relationship of any type must be tested for it to survive.

Don't expect anything more. Don't accept anything less. / Accept more. Expect less.

One day a cure will be found for HIV/AIDS, but that won't necessarily save my life if I don't find ways to cure myself of my spiritual and emotional diseases.

I shouldn't write for fortune cookies.

Happy New Year 2011!

You have been caught Jey Walking!