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Sunday, June 29, 2008


So yesterday was my last day working for a certain grocery store bakery. It was quite the fun last day - I'm glad it's over! I will still pop in to help create signage for the store - but that's on my terms only.

I wanted to reminisce on some fun moments of working in such a place.

The funniest thing to ever happen there has already been posted about - please reread to laugh your head off or at least giggle.

Some memorable quotes:

"Can you tell me the main difference between the Almond Croissant and the Strawberry Cream Cheese Croissant?"

"What's the difference between the Key Lime Pie and the Key Lime Meringue Pie?"

"I didn't see any fresh rolls out on the table - do you have anymore?"

"Are these all the cakes you have?"

"Oh my gosh Mom - I want this! MOM - I want this! MOM Give it to me NOW! (crying while being dragged away)"

"I'm trying to be good - uh - I'll take 12 large canolis"

"Can you tell me where the bakery is?"

"Well I guess I'll just have to go to Publix (in a threatening voice)"

"Can you put those in a box - I'm going to Chastain (said in a snobby voice)"

I know most of what I experienced was "you had to be there" type moments - but I promise you that some customers are just too funny.

I told my manager that corporate wants us to be more friendly and helpful to customers so when I ask "Can I help you" and they reply "No, I am just looking..." I am supposed to reply "Well, you didn't end up looking like that by JUST LOOKING!"

I am such a trouble maker! :D

You've been caught Jey Walking!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

the blind man who saw

"Healer" by Mark Mabry (Reflections of Christ)

The Blind Man Who Saw
written by Jey Gladstone

There was a certain blind man blinded at an early age
Sent off into a dark world to venture on his own
He was cast away from family
He felt alone at church-he had no friends
His community simply rejected him

So he wandered with all his hurt
He didn't understand his blindness
What caused it-when, how or why
No one would give him answers only 'cause he was blind

So he wandered more and just kept on going
He would bump into things-hurt himself-fall down-stumble and cry
He really couldn't help it no matter how hard he tried
To him-the only life he knew was blind
No one offered a hand-a kind voice-or a light
The blind man's world was cold and dark
It offered no relief from the night

The blind man tired of trying - sick of falling and getting hurt
Ventured into his darkest corner where nobody would come to search
Once in awhile he'd reach out begging for water or food
But he's only be scoffed at-rejected-even beaten and often bruised

The blind man sunk so deeply
He never wanted to see the light
He hid as far back into his corner as he could
Losing hope to ever have sight

Then one day he heard footsteps-a few of them walking by
He hadn't heard such sounds where he lived
Where he was is where men die
He started to hear voices-not as harsh as he's heard before
He wondered if they could help him with a little food or more

He wrestled with the decision
Should I stay? or Should I go?
But he knew deep within him if he never left he'd never grow

The blind man thought of the risk
What if they beat me to a pulp?
What if they'd kill me and take away what's left of my hope
Then something welled within him
A feeling he'd hardly felt before
He felt that it was worth taking the journey once more

So he crawled out of the darkness
Yes, bumping-stumbling-falling on the way
But he finally made it into some light
For the first time in a long time felt the warmth of the sun's rays

He could still hear the voices-the footsteps traveling by
He gathered all his strength with him and let out a plea and cried

Oh Lord of Lords - my Master
My Savior-My Friend-whoever you might be
Would you have some kindness on a lonely blind man
Do you have food or water that I need?

He was shaking at the very core while he stayed kneeling on the ground
There was a deafening silence in the air - not even a sound

Then the blind man heard someone ask
Whose fault is it that this man is like this?
Some others said it was his parents
Others said it was his sin

The blind man felt ashamed
For certainly even he didn't know
He's tried to figure that question out
But no answers have come

Another man stood forth
The blind man could sense him draw near
The other man knelt to pick something off the ground
What was he to do was still unclear

The other man answered NEITHER
Not his parents fault nor was it his
Hearing this made the blind man smile and feel so warm within

The other man drew closer and put his hand on the blind man's head
The blind man started to shake but then came peace he's never had
The other man took mud and put it all over the blind man's eyes
The blind man wasn't sure what to do but he heard the other man cry

But that the power of God may be manifest this man will be healed
The mud was wiped from his eyes - the feeling was surreal

Stand and be blind no more said the other man to the blind
Something wonderful was in store that he would soon find

The blind man's eyes filled with tears that helped wash away the mud
But when he opened his eyes he saw unconditional love

HE SAW! HE SAW! and all he could do was SEE!
He saw so much for the first time - it made him so happy
He fell back down to his knees

Oh Lord MY Lord - MY Master
I was once blind but now can see OH so far!
I can see the distant horizon - the azure sky - the clouds
the trees and the glorious sun
I can also see and feel that you are the Almighty One!
shouted the once blind man as he rejoiced
The other man stood and smiled and said in a beautiful voice

You are healed my son and you are forever mine-I can be your friend
And now that you can see I will walk with you and also be your guide
I want you to follow wherever I might go - to the end
I want to give you everlasting food and water -
A new life for you to live
I've opened your eyes so that to others you might give
Your gift of love and compassion because there are others like you who are cannot see
You can go to reach them - help and rescue them - just like me
Will you be my follower? Even take upon you my name?
I promise you everlasting blessings and release from all the shame

The blind man was so energized - so fresh - clean and pure
He knew he could help other blind men
Whose lives were darkened, cold and voices unheard

The blind man said YES! with a resounding voice
I'll do my very best because now I have a choice
Lord, I will always follow you-I will listen and obey what you say
I will walk in your footsteps and help others on their way
The other man said Thank You and the men-together- left that place
The blind man has begun his walk with the other man
And received His eternal grace

I will continue to follow the Mighty One - the very Son of God
For I am the blind man who-through the Lord's healing- finally saw!
And what I saw was the love of the other man
My Lord-My Master-My Savior-My Friend
I know if I will follow Him
I will be made whole and saved in the very end.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

i'm ruthless, cranky & eating top ramen

Let me begin by saying it's not entirely my fault.

Because I'm a Cancer (zodiac sign) my emotions and mood apparently are going a little haywire.

This happens every year - why?

The full moon before the summer solstice aka the beginning of the cancer zodiac reign. If you don't understand this - I don't care. keep reading.

So for the last few days I have been ruthless, cranky & eating top ramen.

Let me remind all of you that I stopped eating top ramen in 2003. Even at my lowest point financially - I still avoided buying that crap.

Well it's not a financial thing - it's a mood thing. I graduated from The Art Institute of Atlanta on Friday the 13th which must have unlocked something within me because the next day, and since then, I've been, well, not myself.

If you are around me in the next few days - have mercy on me even if I don't extend the same kindness to you - I can't help it.

You've been caught Jey Walking!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I just wanted to share a touching moment in my life...for those who I have already shared this with - you must endure it again :D

I went to the doctor's today - yeah! My doctor wants me to go to a urologist to check out this extra vein I have connected to my testicles - I've had this issue since puberty - but no one seemed to think it was a big deal. My doctor told me she wants me to check it out so it won't prevent me from having children later on if I wanted that option...

Imagine the blankest stare you've ever seen...

I am HIV positive so I looked really blankly at her.

She asked me what was wrong. I said - uh - how do I have children
without infecting my partner or child?

She blankly stared at me and was like - uh - you've never heard of
sperm washing?

Another blank stare.

Uh NO...

Well HIV is only in the semen - not the sperm - so the sperm can be removed and injected into the partner and safely create a child without infection to the mother or child. The egg would just have to receive the sperm - but that's no different from any other pregnancy.


The doctor left for a minute to set an appointment - so I let it soak
in and of course I wept a little for joy.

I am not married yet, but to have the option of having my own child even while being HIV positive is amazing to me. God is a god of miracles and wonder.

HIV really isn't the end of life - I realize now I have no excuses to hold me back from living a normal life on Earth - not that I do anything normal...

PS. For those just finding out about my HIV status - I apologize you are finding out this way - if you have any questions I am not that shy - which is obvious 'cause I've posted about my testicles already :D So anyway...

You've been caught Jey Walking!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

the greatest person i've ever known

The greatest person I've ever known personally was imperfect.

I was recently reminded that my grandmother passed away just a year ago. She played a large role in my life - especially growing up - and still has an influence over me now. Knowing the lasting effect she has on me I could confidently state that she will always have an influence on me and my choices - maybe even more so now that she has passed.

My grandmother raised me from age seven to nineteen. I was taken from my parents in 1986 one morning and after two unsuccessful temporary foster homes - I went to live with her and my grandfather. My grandfather played a role in my life that I only came to understand and appreciate later after he died...but my grandmother and I have a deep connection - a friendship that started long before I knew her on Earth, has been through hell and back and will last through eternity.

A little bit about her...
She was born fourth of eleven children into a prominent LDS family - the daughter of a well-known Stake President and Patriarch. By 15 she was married and by 17 she became a mother. She divorced and married again - having a total of seven children from both marriages. Later, she became involved with the LDS Church's Indian Affairs program for seventeen years. She "adopted" a couple of Navajo exchange students for about ten years - one of which I know and call "Aunt" Marie.

Fast forward a few years later after sending her youngest child out of the house to when my family broke into fragments. My grandmother did what she could to put the pieces back together. She raised seven of the ten children in my family - meaning she raised sixteen children over a span of 60 years! I was a handful in and of myself - so 15 other children to raise must not have been as fun as it sounds!

My grandmother and I had our battles but we knew we loved each other. She reminded me often that she was the only best friend I had because no one else would put up with my crap like she did - she was right! She would get so mad at me for my poor choices, temper tantrums, rebellion and return I would become livid over things she would say or ways that she would act. No matter what - though - we loved each other.

She was and still is a remarkable and amazing person. She would never admit that she had a racism problem - but, after our many arguments she began adjusting her thinking - my cousin got married to a black guy and she eventually accepted him into the family and supported my cousin's choice - my grandmother grew to love the guy.

Another example of how amazing she is was when my mother was released from prison and revealed to my grandmother that she has AIDS - my grandmother really didn't want too much to do with her - but eventually with my help - she came around to love her, support her rebaptism and not be afraid of her disease. My grandmother was somewhat bitter against my mother who abandoned her children, but before she died she forgave her and made peace with her daughter.

My grandmother and I have had some serious bonding experiences. Years ago I confessed to her and my Bishop of my struggle with addiction and same gender attraction. She was mortified; there was a period of time we didn't talk and she almost disowned me, but we came back to our senses and made a truce.

Later the same year my mother was released from prison I found out that I am HIV positive. She was so supportive and loving but also really scared for me - she didn't know what she could do to make things better. One day I got a box in the mail and in it was a knitted cap and scarf. I had told her that it was cold and I was afraid to get sick - so she immediately knitted me a cap and scarf. To other people it was just some yarn - to me it was probably the most beautiful and meaningful gift I have ever received. It was not the first time she gave me the gift of life. She saved me from an abusive home, she saved me from my own destructive behavior and path and she did the one thing she knew she could do for a scared and lonely grandson at that time - keep him healthy and warm with a cap and scarf.

So, a year later I am missing the greatest person I've ever known. Despite her faults, weaknesses, imperfections galore - she tried her best to keep me both physically and spiritually alive and I could never thank her enough for her steady testimony of God and his gospel and just being my mom when I needed one the most.

Never take for granted the people in your life who are willing to go through hell and back with you or even for you - just so you won't be lost or alone!

I know I do take people for granted too often - but if I call you my friend - you should know that I love and appreciate you - but you'll never be as great as my grandma :D

This is the song I sang at her funeral

Mama by Il Divo
(one of her favorite groups - the video is so beautiful

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

You've been caught Jey Walking!