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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

to everything there is a season

Last week I decided to let go and even talked to my counselor about it at length.

For the past few days I have been quite successful at looking at my things as annoyances and space taker-uppers than fond memories and cherished belongings. This process has all been real good for me.

I also applied to be on The Amazing Race, though I am sure the odds are stacked against me and my roommate being selected to go on. So, I let go of the idea that I was going to be cast on the show and that felt good too, but I think it would be awesome if we were chosen. The idea of being in a race got me thinking...

I am facing a lot of weird feelings, emotions and thoughts that are difficult to get out of my head. I think that is the hardest thing to let go of; my feelings or thoughts. They keep me company when I am lonely, afraid, day-dreaming or sad, but I admit some of them have to go too.

It has become apparent to me that I blog to passively get support from family and friends. I thrive on feedback, comments and advice. There are certain posts that I still go back and read; those ones were for me, but I think others were more of a lure for support in the form of comments from my friends.

I realize now that I need to be more active in my friendships and relationships with others. I need to be a support to get support. I have to let go of the idea that because I need support or help that my family and friends are obligated to drop everything to serve my needs.

I am strong and intelligent person; sometimes I forget, but I do know that I am not that weak. I don't need friend or family crutches; I just need to stand up, stand tall and move forward on my own. Yes, I need my family and friends to be there for me when I fall, but I have to vocalize that injury instead of expecting others to just assume I am broken, injured and need help. Of course, I also need to vocalize such needs to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. Many things I struggle with, my family and friends can't really do anything about other than pray on my behalf, which is great, but I need the Atonement; I need Jesus to heal me.

Part of my letting go journey has begun and it includes standing up on my own two feet and taking this journey; this long walk down a short road, on my own with the guidance of my Savior and the Holy Ghost. It doesn't mean my family and friends can't cheer for me on the sidelines, but I can't expect anyone to carry me any longer or any further. This is my life and my journey; my walk and I have to make it alone.

I can't fulfill my mission or purpose here on Earth if I can't prove I can do it all by myself or rather that I have the desire to make choices for myself that lead me in the right direction. I have to prove to myself that I am strong, powerful, intelligent and worthy of the presence of God, my Heavenly Father.

" And {I will} prove {myself} herewith, to see if {I} will do all the things whatsoever the Lord {my} God shall command {me}." ~ Abraham 3:25

Probably one of my favorite piece of scripture ever (I love the song) sums it up:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

You have been caught Jey Walking!

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