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Sunday, December 21, 2008

the battles i face

Who am I today and what battle must I face? What armor should I put on?

Am I fighting as a man - to be a man - to be be masculine - to understand masculinity - to be accepted by the world of men - to know the secrets of the brotherhood?

Am I fighting as a white person to prove that I am not the stereotype or maybe I am - that I too wish I was not judged by the color or lack of color of my skin? Must I prove that I have a dream as well?

Am I fighting as a brother, a son, a grandson, a nephew or a cousin to connect my family dots and repair what may be broken or find what my be lost?

Am I fighting as a friend to keep friends close - to find support from those I trust and to give support to those I care about?

Am I fighting as Latter-day Saint (Mormon) though I am excommunicated or maybe because I am - to prove that I am faithful - that I belong - that I am worthy?

Am I fighting as a Jew descendent - standing up against hatred and misunderstanding - or am I fighting to prove that I am apart of the family too even though I accept Christ as my Savior and not just a nice guy or an radical prophet/rabbi?

Am I fighting as a man struggling with same-sex attraction - proving that I can change through the power of the Atonement - while supporting and loving my gay brothers and sisters who don't seek change?

Am I fighting as an abused and neglected child who experienced the failing bureaucracy (are there any bureaucracy that are successful?) of the foster care system that is a part of a society that so often forgets that foster children are victims/survivors - not criminals and that with enduring love - any child can reach their potential?

Am I fighting as an HIV positive person who faces the stigma of a disease that is deemed by many to be less "honorable" than fighting against something like cancer? Am I fighting to educate others so that one day funding isn't entirely cut because of ignorance? Am I fighting to keep loved ones at a distance so their eventual loss isn't so dramatic - am I fighting to accept it all and learn to love more carefully? Am I living to die or dying to live - am I fighting to make the most out of what I have?

Am I fighting as an advocate for drug abuse prevention - so that people around the world, especially youth, will realize the dangers of the drugs they choose to take - the substances that destroy so many lives?

Am I fighting as an sex addict - someone who has put everything including his and others' lives on the line for fleeting moments of pleasure that merely act as my drug - clouding the pain of a life full of loss, abandonment and rejection?

Am I fighting as a American for democracy, freedoms, rights and privileges?

Am I fighting as a voter - someone who regardless of political scandals, lies and conspiracies - still puts his faith into a broken system - hoping that eventually the change he is seeking will come?

Am I fighting as a creator, a visionary and an artist for authenicity, originality and integrity? Am I fighting the - sometimes - thin line between reality and imagination - dreams and actuality? Am I fighting to create selfishly or share selflessly?

Am I fighting as a student - to learn all that I can and share that knowledge to those around me - freely and without arrogance? Am I fighting to learn or learning to fight?

Am I fighting as a human - a member of mankind - to live long enough to see people change their hearts and seek peace and love with one another more often?

What battle will I choose to face today? With so many battles - so many enemies - how am I to win and overcome?

"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward." Hebrews 10:35

"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10

"Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them."
2 Kings 6:16

You have been caught Jey Walking! (and fighting too!)


Aric said...

Jey, friend. I am so impressed with your willingness to bare your soul to all of us and allow us to be a part of your journey. You are a truly special person. Thanks and Love!

Bravone said...

Jey, great reflections that have caused me to think. You always seem to have a way of doing that! I hope you have a great Christmas and realize the power for good that you are in my life and the lives of others.

jey walker gladstone said...

Thanks for your wonderful comments